"If I, were KING, of the FOR-RESSSSSSST..."

A commenter on another (the other) blog included a story about someone who recently got a $50 million dollar award from Phillip Morris tobacco company. As the guy already died, it’s his widow who’s getting it now.

AGGHHHHHHH… I can’t stand it! EVERYTHING just HAS to be GOOD vs. EVIL, doesn’t it? Everything has to be so extreme! [obviously that includes my response… oh well…]

Here’s what I’ve noticed… monetary awards went thru the roof because lawyers need jobs too, so they make SURE they get ‘em. Judges are just as responsible for skewed lawsuits being tried in the first place, never mind won, and because juries are made up of usually conscientious (they showed up, didn’t’ they?) but just as frustrated regular folks, they can’t HELP but enjoy sticking it to ‘the Man’ when they can. (can’t blame ‘em there – not right perhaps, but can’t blame ‘em)

One of the reasons I think so many mega-lawsuits happen is because corporate entities are allowed to perpetually gorge themselves on other businesses as well as on taxpayers’ money, while they’ve got their customers (aka TAXPAYERS) by the scruff, shaking every last dime outta them that they can get. In the meantime, the smaller and small businesses are overburdened with taxes, laws, licenses and fees that hamstring their hoped for success, never mind starting up in the first place, which in turn maintains a shortage of jobs that occurred because another B.A.I. ‘globalized’ its workforce, while at the same time, keeps the price out of range for regular people over here, who probably no longer have jobs anyways, because B.A.I. globalized its workforce!

HEY! HERE’S and idea! How about instead of taxpayer support for helping huge corporations like freakin’ McDonald’s play in the global market place, we use those funds to help people who actually can use it? So that those of us too poor to have a cookie jar in some offshore bank still have a chance to build a business, regardless of how small, to be more globally marketable! How’s THAT for a concept?

WHAT’s that you say? That might challenge our other global players? TOUGH. If it’s a free market, than put MY tax money where your rhetoric is. Use your own, damn cash to fund the B.A.I lobbyists constantly clawing at the underbelly of our national treasury.

Now while that nonsense is happening on the national economic level, on the social level, the only viable option for change is passing another law? In particular, against ONE more thing that individuals may or may not want to do but the very choice is being erased anyways because someone else disagrees with it, and claims its "tearing away at the fabric of society" or some such happy horsesh*t. It then becomes outlawed, further deteriorating the idea of tolerance, never mind a MYO-damn-B kind of attitude, because someone decided it wasn’t good for ‘the public’ if so-and-so gets to do this-or-that for her or his OWN life!

What crap!

Every law we pass ‘protecting’ the citizenry from ‘themselves’ and especially based on some sense of morality, encourages us to be that much less responsible for ourselves! In the meantime though, B.A.I. gets to stick it to us, to our economy, to our environment, then gets off the hook for one reason or another but usually with the excuse “but we HAVE to do this to grow as a business, how else are we going to create more JOBS??? WAH-WAH-WAH” while in the meantime those ‘jobs’ go oversees ANYways, which in turn drives the individuals to get lawyers, who convince judges and juries to stick it to ‘the Man’ and… (see previous paragraph for the rest).

It’s this constant kind of bullsh*t that kicks my megalomania into overdrive and one more time, I want to ‘Take over the World’! (I wish you foolish mortals would finally just bow down to me as your Benevolent Overlord, but *sigh*, I guess I’ll just continue to wait)

I’d flap it out like a dusty rug, hang it on a clothesline, beat the sh*t out of it, fluff it out again, leave it hung up for whatever amount of time it would take night and day air to freshen it, let the sun finish drying it up, and then bring it in to lay atop a newly cleaned floor. Then I’d make sure it’d be kept up by regular vacuuming to keep the parasites from re-infesting it!

Hmmmm.

I just realized that my metaphor would probable be more useful to me if I took it literally upon my own abode – BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT!!!

Here’s how it would be in ANNETTE-WORLD:

First off, I would be THE DICTATOR - BIG CAPs all the way! Because what I have in mind would definitely get anyone into lawsuit-lotto to try to go after me, and OH-no-no-no-no-NO! I’m not having it. It’s my way or it’s a one-way ticket to the gulag of my choice.

I would put an immediate moratorium on all lawsuits. For the next 6 months to a year judges on all levels would be hearing trials only for criminal law. In order to cut that case load back, all drugs would now be legal, or should I say, no longer illegal? I’d grab back all the funds and manpower from the DEA and set ‘em out on the streets of this country to be OUR cops. And then, what you do to get your groove on is purely YOUR business. But if something happens while you're grooving, then your ass is the LAW’s.

Next, ALL GOVERNMENT SUPPORT FOR ALL CORPORATE ENTITIES WOULD STOP! Welcome to the REAL free market. ALL MEGA CORPS that had been sucking on the Government teat would now be immediately OFF the TIT! No doubt, they’ll need to lay-off their work force in order to regroup, but they would have to start from the TOP, and weed their way down if they choose to do so. In terms of any kind of complete-ass bankruptcy, they would have, AS THEIR PRIMARY DUTY, to pay off their employees from the bottom up first until they get to the shareholders’ level, who would come second and THEN they can worry about paying off chief executives (if there’s anything left).

That might sound like punishment, but balancing an extreme situation often does. Ask anyone who just got blindsided by loosing their job!

In terms of the general population, Public Health would now have only three missions; a) to monitor and become pro-active regarding any kind of contagion, flu/virus/bacteria, what have you by informing the public as well as keeping track of epidemic response and effectiveness; b) when there’s not that kind of emergency to attend to, it would monitor and report on the quantity, quality and overall effectiveness of all medical care and its tools, especially pharmaceuticals; c) lastly, education and awareness of all the kinds of things that we want to do, already do, but may be better off not doing, but it would NOT be allowed to lobby, nor align itself with any special interest group looking to lobby for some kind of change in ANNETTE-WORLD. All entities would have to their availability all the same information and can argue each other blue in the face, but if it’s regarding limiting someone else’s choice of how to live, it BETTER be pretty damn convincing, or don’t waste the Benevolent Overlord’s (aka Me) time!

All places that are public, as in taxpayer supported, buildings, especially governing ones, would be the most comfortable for the most amount of people possible. Easily accessed, good ventilation, smoking allowed in certain areas, mood lighting, whatever! The idea would be the greatest number of people to be under the same roof at the same time to get the most amount of civic involvement outta them. After all this dictating, I’m gonna want a VACATION, damn it! How the hell can I take a few weeks off if you fools are perpetually at each other’s throats!

Violations to said public building ordinances would be attended to either by fine or removal from said building at that time, your choice. You can dig up the cash; or go home, clean up and come back. And whether it’s in a public owned building or a private business, if you have your own office (four walls, roof and a door) and you have some kind of ventilation, yes you get to smoke. (Rank should have some privileges) Those of us out on the rest of the work floor, sorry, but there would be outdoor and indoor seating available.

Essentially, I would have one law – you cheat, you get beat, no matter WHAT the situation. For instance, did you just swindle someone out of their savings? Guess what! You’re gonna be working for that person or persons until you pay that freaking amount OFF. If you wish, you can liquidate all assets to try to gain some ground on what you owe (you know, like the LITTLE people do) but until it’s paid, YOU pay, living on a basic stipend until it’s done.

How about if you rob someone like an honest crook, but happen to break your leg, loose a finger, get killed, whatever? TOUGH! Enough of this babysh*t. Don’t do it if you don’t want to risk the consequences. Of course, if you’re the intended victim and/or the one who actively did the killing/maiming to spare an intended victim, rest assured that there would be a very intense investigation into the matter. If it turns out you were justified in your actions, you’ll be reimbursed for loss of pay, lawyer’s fees, ammo, and any damage done to yourself or property, but forget about ‘pain and suffering’. And of course, that would come out of the perpetrators assets unless there aren’t any. In that case, I’ll be happy to twist the arm of the company managing your home owner’s insurance to pay for it, seeing as you’ve had to suffer nosebleeds to pay for it anyways.

If you have kids, guess what! They are now once again, YOUR responsibility.
If your kid did it YOU pay for it. Teachers would no longer be responsible for disciplining kids other than to send them home as fast as a kick sends them. Your pup mouths off, the little s.o.b. gets sent home and YOU take care of it. Spanking would no longer be illegal. HOWEVER, I mean SPANKING; not beating. A rap on the ass with a wooden spoon or a belt is a far cry from a slap in the head or broken ribs. If a parent were to abuse his or her child in such a matter, the parent would be removed from the home instead of the other way around, and sent to live with someone bigger and meaner than s/he to get the same treatment for the same length of time the child had to suffer it.

Child molesters of ANY type would have a choice of castration or jail time. Unless it involved extra-brutality beyond that of molestation. In that case, I’m not going to describe the consequences. Just rest assured that they would be there, and that they would be very unpleasant. It would be justice, but it would be unpleasant.

Murderers would not automatically face a death sentence unless the crime fits one of two criteria; how many victims and/or what was done. Anything that involved 2 or more victims – automatic death penalty is what you’re looking at. Anything that was particularly heinous, the same. And let both sides of the aisle be VERY thorough because heaven help the prosecutor who worked on emotion rather than facts to get a judgment.

There would be no more than five years to attempt an appeal. If it doesn’t happen, the sentence gets carried out. Should it be found out at some latter point that an innocent person did get the death penalty, then both sides of the legal aisle would be held accountable though the side that was more at fault would bear the brunt of the sentence, whatever that might be according to the situation.

In civil lawsuits, lawyers would get no more than 5% beyond the client’s due share of any kind of award or payment won, and the client would get paid first. Judgments in favour of the plaintiff would be focused on TANGIBLE damage done and any needs as a result of said damage. If the defendant wins, judgment will favour the less wealthy of the two. Sounds unfair, doesn’t it? TOO BAD. If you got the cash to get an overpriced lawyer to get your butt out of sling, you shouldn’t be crying anyways.

Smoking would be regulated like alcohol, and all types of recreational drug use would carry labels that described ingredients and their amounts, and the FDA’s function in that regard would only to be make sure those labels were accurate and easily read by anyone at a 6th grade reading level. I say that not to insult, but to make sure that if a kid tries sneaking something identified as ‘adult fun’, s/he would have a good idea what they’re about to expose themselves to and think twice if it’s worth a strap to her/his ass.

All private businesses would be able to choose for themselves whether or not to permit smoking, but if so, adequate ventilation must be provided, especially if they wish to cater to both groups.

Behaviour around recreational drug use would be a little more restricted than guidelines set for alcohol and tobacco. Yeah, I know that’s slanted, so what? I’M the dictator remember? You don’t get a contact high like you do with pot, and if someone wishes to shoot up that’s too much of a health risk in any setting that may be private but still caters to the public.

But again, remember, REGARDLESS OF DRUG, REGARDLESS OF ANYONE ELSE SERVING YOU OR IN SOME WAY INTERACTING WITH YOU, YOU ARE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS AROUND YOUR DRUG-OF-CHOICE USE, AND WHILE UNDER IT’S EFFECTS. No addiction arguments, no daddy-didn’t-love-me arguments. You choose to use, you take responsibility for it.

*WHEW*

Ok, okay, I know, I know. Time to get back to real life. Believe me, I’ve got even more ideas on this matter, but I’m finally vented out enough to stop going on about it.

But tell the truth. Don’t you think I’d make a damn good Benevolent Overlord? Get those petitions going right away, folks!

In the meantime, I’ll go finish my business on the ‘throne’.