Okay now, *Whose* Screws are Loose?

Recently, I found out about and watched an internet documentary called Loose Change… or that’s the name of the guys’ website that are looking to initiate an investigation into the events of 9/11, I’m not sure right now.

Either way if you are reading this you probably know what I’m talking about because there is a blog on this very site called ScrewLooseChange that purports to debunk the questions raised by the docu-net-ary.

So if you are reading this you may find yourself a little confused because ScrewLooseChange uses the same blog layout I do, and you might have thought you were at the right place, but now I’m talking about that blog as if I’m not that blog, because I’m not, yet Google probably listed this blog entry when you did a search because it’s on the same blog site that I’m on, and looks the same, but it’s not the same, and Google zeroed in on the words ScrewLooseChange so included my site as an option. But you’re not where you probably wanted to be, so you probably want to search Blogger for where you do want to be, or you’re welcome to hang out here until you get the strength to continue your search.

Now that we got that ironed out…

I posit this question to all and sundry, those who argue that there HAS to be a conspiracy and those that argue that is RIDICUOLOUS.

Do you really believe that your government has your best interest at heart?

We had shaky ‘evidence’ (none actually) and started a war with it. We PICKED that fight based on suppositions. We’re gambling with our nation’s future financially, and using our citizens’ lives as poker chips but in the light of the ‘evidence’ we thought we had, and turns out we didn’t, that was okay.

Yet the guy that every one pretty much agrees is the one responsible for what happened on Tuesday, September 11th, 2001, has now pretty much become a no-name. He’s a tall, skinny Middle Eastern guy who’s dependant on dialysis, but the people who could be relied upon to provide us with the reasons for going to war are the same people who now claim that “the trail has gone cold” and can’t find this guy even though he’s the one we’re ‘really’ going after, the one ‘really’ responsible for those acts of terrorism.

In the meantime…
Evidence, as in surveillance footage that disappears, news footage from several sources that was seen live and can be reviewed now, eyewitness/victims’ reports as well as a variety of interesting overlaps is all just a bunch of crap. That stuff is only coincidence and can’t possibly be taken seriously.

Look folks, here’s the thing; those of us who believe in conspiracy theories get to play in the Ripley World. Because it’s still only theoretical, we can get passionate about believing it while subconsciously expecting, maybe hoping, to get proved wrong.  I do not think anyone REALLY wants to find out that threats we can imagine are realities we’re living in at any level. Not necessarily because a threat is so scary, as much as that what’s involved in facing and dealing with it is so overwhelming.

Yet those of us who claim to live in the “real world” have a tendency to forget that the real world really is twisted, and would rather maintain blind faith in things that instead need to be seriously examined. So-called ‘debunking’ begins from the position that the other side is already at best wrong and at average, nutty.  How much faith can one have in ‘evidence’ that is presented only to prove it’s own validity? I mean, isn’t that the primary argument that ‘debunkers’ make about their rivals? That they only see the things they want to see to make their points?

How about this for a start: if we can imagine it, it can be done.

But saying something doesn’t make it so any more than ignoring something makes it go away. I strongly suspect that reality has to be dealt with as it is, not as how we’d like it to be, especially regarding our nature and behaviour as human beings.

For me that means that yup, we as individuals and as groups are capable of ANYTHING. Which means we need to be earnestly open to possibilities WHILE we pursue being rigorously clear on facts. Otherwise we could find ourselves doing things we don’t want to do for reasons that aren’t clear to us.
Uh, never mind.

How does One Prioritize Chaos? Part II: “Help, I’m drowning and I can’t get up!”

You know, sometimes I feel a tad guilty using that line in jokes. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s off of a commercial which makes it fair game but still, the original version has an elderly woman who’s fallen on the floor and can’t get up. That particular situation isn’t a joke, that really happens. People have died because of situations like that.

Okay, so why do I use that phrase in jokes if I sometimes feel guilty about it? Gallows humour for one thing. And I utilize gallows humour because I identify with whatever it is that I’m making jokes about for another.

Let’s go back to Grammy in the commercial who first spoke that particular line. Obviously she’s tripped on the carpet, the cat, the drunken grandson who lives with her who’s more than useless while passed out on the floor (hell, even when he’s conscious) or maybe she tripped over air, it doesn’t matter. One way or another it’s not that she’s an old woman who’s crying out in a shaky voice that makes it funny for me. It’s that I identify with a human being who finds her/himself suddenly vulnerable and aware of the equally sudden inability to help oneself in a situation. And it makes it both humiliating and even more frightening because it’s a situation that has always been benign/manageable/no big deal before!

Now why the hell would that be funny? Because I’ve been there and I hate it and I’m aware that it will happen to me again and I don’t want to face all that. Especially since the anticipation of something that could happen has a tendency to turn me into stone before it has a chance to happen. I make myself vulnerable in the present by anticipatory fear.

You know what else? Just because I’m afraid of something doesn’t mean it will happen.

This is part of how I understand my perpetual state of chaos in the day to day, moment to moment of my life. For whatever reasons I’ve learned early on and have always had as an undercurrent in myself that just being alive is dangerous. Just waking up in the morning and going about my own business, my own life, puts me physically, emotionally, financially, mentally, professionally, whatever at risk for all sorts of Burmese tiger traps, big and small.

So hence my affection for gallows humour; I can’t fully escape my fear (or life for that matter, try as I might) so it’s a mechanism to help me function to some degree.

You know what I just realized? I just explained the tag line under my blog title. When I first put that in there it was mainly a smart ass remark that I thought poked fun at my perpetual desire to sound profound. I also recognized back then that it was an honest statement mainly because I’ve found that humour isn’t funny unless it follows a truth.

Dammit! See what I mean about another layer of the onion always getting peeled back? Even though I know something’s an “onion”, even though I can see the meat of the onion under each translucent layer, upon it being peeled back something more is uncovered.

Excuse me while I go reach for some Saran Wrap.

How does One Prioritize Chaos?

Isn’t that an excellent title for a blog entry? Here’s how I came up with it…
I’m in therapy, I’m in chaos, I started asking this question of myself and a few others.

I was taught some time ago that therapy operates in a circular pattern, overlapping itself in its (hopefully) forward movement. I’ve also learned, for myself at least, that I probably will never be ‘cured’ in the classical sense but that doesn’t preclude healing. It does mean that I get to learn how to progressively become more functional with my dysfunction, possibly to the point where at least of few of the symptoms or behaviours don’t appear to exist anymore. I hope that I’m learning how to strengthen my weaknesses and not be as demanding of my strengths and/or learn how to utilize them better so that I can live and feel better.

But DAMN if it isn’t two-steps-forward-one-step-back-chachacha, step-to-the-side-chachacha, swing-your-hips-chachacha, wave-your-arms-chachacha, change-the-meds-chachacha... you get the idea.

And you know what also drives me crazy(-er)??? That half of the healing is revealing, and the other half is dealing.

Oh sure, you’d think that’s a simple straightforward concept and it is, in theory. In PRACTICE it’s a freakin’ mess. Always “more will be revealed”, always “another layer of the onion”, always another approach to consider, and none of these things happen without time invested.

Just realized that simply writing these sentences exhausted me.
Time to invest some of that time into a nap.

I AM GOING TO HURT SOMEBODY!!!

I AM GOING TO HURT SOMEBODY!!!

ARGGGGGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Okay, here’s the scoop… earlier today I went to the Microsoft site, got a troubleshoot utility, and actually got my BloggerforWord working again.

And THEN, for some INEXPLICABLE reason, it started giving me those freakin’ error messages again.

I am so pissed off right now. So I don’t know if I’m going to finally get around to posting a proper post but for now;

Thank you Michael and Jerry and everyone else who’s been stopping by to check up on me. I don’t behave like it but I do appreciate it.

Jerry, you are not a nag. I found your efforts comforting. Thank you for caring.

Michael, the day I finally stopped by to check up on you for the first time in a long time, what do I see? BILLY G’s a guest speaker??? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. You are either a true gentleman or absolutely out of your freakin’ gourd.
I’m suspecting both!

Okay, that’s it for now. I don’t know if I’m stable enough to keep from giving into the impulse to do something unkindly. In fact, I just decided I AM going to give into it!
I wunder where da pussycats went to, heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
-----
ADDENDUM-dum-dum-dum!

This time the freaking thing worked.
AGGGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!